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Bewildered Boomer: Step right up. See it all here, folks! Tourons in action.

Bewildered Boomer: Step right up. See it all here, folks! Tourons in action.

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And now for something completely different; are you up for a photo essay this week?

Regular visitors to my corner of Saturday papers know all about how Good Wife Norma and I lived just over the mountain from Yellowstone in northwest Wyoming before returning to Nebraska and landing in the middle of your business.

Many are the stories I have told … and told … and told about a species unique to that region. Its scientific name is Humanoid Imbeciles Who Do Staggeringly Dumb Stuff in Yellowstone. Locals call ‘em Tourons for short … half tourist/half moron.

As luck would have it, I stumbled upon this visual proof of typical Touron behavior while rummaging in my photo archives recently.

The worst of this lot is the lady with a clutch of grandkids and a dog meanderingly back in oblivion from a failed attempt to pose her little ones (see cardboard camera in her right hand) with a bull moose. You do not take a strange dog and children near domestic livestock, let alone cozy a mutt and three kids up to a bull moose.

By default this lady must serve as today’s most stupefying ‘Touron,’ but only because I failed to get a picture of the man attempting an up-close photo op of his wife and kids with two battling, enraged bull bison in rut or the woman who actually chased a grizzly bear down a rock- and log-strewn creek bank with – yes – a cardboard camera.

The vacuous Tourons disturbing elk in the other two shots seem almost normal by comparison. People, I tell ‘ya …

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