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Bewildered Boomer: If I ruled the world...

Bewildered Boomer: If I ruled the world...

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Steve Moseley column profile

Steve Moseley

If I Ruled the World - Every self-service gas pump would operate exactly like every other self-service gas pump in every detail.

Same for ATMs.

If I Ruled the World - Those message boards above I-80 would read: “Camp out in a Nebraska state park, not the left lane!”

If I Ruled the World - Boats could not possibly slide off their trailers prematurely and land on the concrete ramp instead of in the water. But the less said about this shameful day the better.

If I Ruled the World - Nebraskans would not have central air in their homes because if I Ruled the World I’d change the climate here and they wouldn’t need it.

If I Ruled the World - To conserve our dwindling water resources, only artificial turf in a variety of colors would be permitted in residential neighborhoods. That I would rather eat worms than mow does not play into this whatsoever.

If I Ruled the World - Yellowstone would be half as far from Nebraska as it is at the present time.

If I Ruled the World - You could program wiener dogs to piddle and poo on a rigid schedule, just like automatic lawn sprinklers.

If I Ruled the World – The eastern half of Nebraska would have a whole lot more decent sized reservoirs in which to dangle a line. I’d settle for just one. Is too much to ask?

If I Ruled the World – CPAP machines would never have to be cleaned. I don’t clean mine but once in a blue moon anyway, but I’d feel better about myself if it wasn’t necessary in the first place.

If I Ruled the World – Animal kingdom predators would be appreciated but human predators who hurt their fellow man in any way would be euthanized (and not humanely, either, when the victim is a kid).

If I Ruled the World – Flame throwers would be taken to everything about the social and economic scourge that is methamphetamine.

And finally.

If I Ruled the World – We would all be in a great deal of trouble.

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