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Bewildered Boomer - The 2020 Leaf War is joined and we must not yield

Bewildered Boomer - The 2020 Leaf War is joined and we must not yield

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Steve Moseley column profile

Steve Moseley

Well, here we go again … and again … and again ad nauseum.

Sad to say, time has come to lock horns with the annual crunchy blizzard of leaves, leaves, everywhere leaves.

Looking for something in this crazy world upon which you can absolutely rely? Well, here it is. Each and every year for as long as I write this column, I will burn at least one week to whine and rail against the tragic unfairness of fall leaves.

How in the dickens did York become so inundated with these dang stringy obstacles anyway? I am confident most tree species, not unlike phragmites, are invasive and undesirable.

I will never understand why trees are tolerated, never mind considered assets by some, given all the problems for which they are solely responsible. We certainly don’t need them for shade like back in the 50s and earlier. Central air has been an expectation in the housing market for decades. Cripes, today we don’t need to so much as crack a window.

So why do we even have trees?

Ok, there is that whole business about how they convert carbon dioxide into oxygen so you and I can breathe. But what is that small side benefit compared to the downside of a frail, out-of-shape, 71-year-old being forced by his spouse to crawl out of the big man recliner down in the man cave, drag the pathetic remains of his moldy carcass out in the chill wind to gather, load and haul away what is typically at least six annual truckloads of leaves?

The first two loads were grudgingly trolled to the grass dump today (Thursday). The other four loads (maybe three if I mash ‘em down angrily enough) are outside at this very moment, patiently awaiting my attention on the morrow.

All whimpering aside, I will push through to completion. Why? Because I have no choice. She has never let me off the hook and never will.

But wait, there’s more.

In a case of history predicting future performance, it’s a near certainty the whole miserable process will have to be repeated when Fairview Drive’s blight of trees shed the other half of their foul plumage.

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